Bowling

I am somewhat of an anomaly in my family.

I realize this is a loaded statement but let me qualify it a little. There are many reasons why I am an anomaly but non more apparent than my lack of any sort of skill when it comes to the fine "sport" of bowling. My family consists entirely of professional bowlers to some degree. My sister started the trend at a very young age when she took up the past time quite seriously as a YBC bowler. It has taken her to various provinces for national competitions and has won her a national title as part of a bantam girls team in Gatineau, Quebec. My parents also participate in a rec league on Friday nights and have honed their skills through weeks of friendly practice.

I played hockey as a kid. Not so much the stand 'em up and knock 'em down sport, mostly just knock 'em down. I never really had the patience for bowling. Hockey is fast paced, action packed, you never sit on the bench for longer than about 2 minutes, at least not in minor hockey, and when you are on the ice you have little time to think between dodging bodies and flying pieces of frozen rubber. That is a SPORT! This was in the back of my mind when I ventured out last evening for a friendly game of bowling with the parents and my lovely girlfriend.

Luckily my girlfriend is as good a bowler as I so there was no need to look impressive. What was a fun evening was also one of the most frustrating sporting experiences of my life. It ranks way up there with when I attempted Curling which, I have to say, is amazingly more difficult than it looks on TV, but that is another story for another day. Of the two complete games the four of us managed in the one hour time frame allotted for our outing, I managed a score of 100 and 153. I was just happy to get into the triple digits but the process is incredibly frustrating.

The pins on the right hand side of the lane didn't stand a chance! My ball would always find its was to the two or three point pins each and every time I rolled the ball. I have no idea why it would not stay straight considering no one else had any trouble. This proved to be quite frustrating and I determined that bowling, by its very nature, is designed to be a frustrating experience:

You get three balls.

Ball One: End pin. Two points. "Shit! Why did that ball go over there? I lined up the arrows, extended the arm, pointed to where I wanted the ball to go. I know it had enough speed...I'll definitely get a spare, this one will be better."

Ball Two: Same spot, taking out one more pin. Five points total. "What the Hell? What was wrong with that one? It rolled off my fingers too early I guess. How hard can this game be?"

Ball Three: Same spot again, maybe in the gutter, nothing. Five of a possible 15 points. "OK screw this! That time it was perfect! I don't get this frigging game! The lane is crooked, that has to be it!"

Only the lane is not crooked, if it was then the next three bowlers wouldn't be scoring strike after strike like they were born to bowl. After your three balls you have to sit and brood over how embarrassing your attempt was while your bowling-mates are tearing it up. For the first few frames you chalk it up to a bad turn and decide that you can and will do better. You don't. Turn after turn of five point attempts. Suddenly you wish bowling was a little more like hockey, at least in terms of body contact.

There is an up side. It's inexpensive quality time with friends and family, the value of which is inestimable, and there is beer. I'm sure if I were to practise I would get better but I am not sure I have the patience. I am definitely joining a rec hockey league next winter.